This is the story of a mimic chest slowly gaining sentience. It does so by eating many many people. Unfortunately, you’ll be forced to sit through the back story of every group that comes across it, their interpersonal conflicts, their desires, and their hopes… only for EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM TO DIE TO THE DAMN MIMIC CHEST!
If after group three you aren’t annoyed by the fact that you have to sit through yet another story of a group that will die in the next ten minutes, then you have no capacity for pattern recognition. You probably think that, “Hey! Maybe this NEXT group visiting Camp Crystal Lake will be totally fine and nothing bad will happen to them!”
The point I quit was when a succubus was summoned, eaten by the mimic chest, then respawned, because that’s just what they do, only to be eaten by the mimic chest again, and the sequence repeated until she got off on being mauled to death. That was the point when I decided this wasn’t satire and the author just had an eating-people fetish. However since Neven Iliev isn’t an anagram for Army Hammer. that remains speculation on my part.
I didn’t laugh once throughout this “satire.” I think the author used up all his comedic skills coming up with the title, and I don’t know what Jeff Hays was doing slumming it narrating this shit show, other than cashing a paycheck, in which case, well done him. At least someone talented got paid for this dumpster fire.